blueirisheyez's Journal

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Why do people assume they think they know better?
So I preface this by saying that this is not meant toward any of my wonderful friends WHATSOEVER! This rant is strictly toward family members.

Please, please please understand I am thrilled to pieces that everyone is excited about our wedding. I am amazed at how awesome everyone has been and how much people want to be a part of this day. The love and support overwhelm me. I am truly blessed.

That being said, I really thought that people lost their minds over first weddings and really didn't give a damn about second weddings. Obviously, I know nothing.

Here is my thing, with the help of my wonderful friends Melissa and Becki, I was able to research Vegas. I looked at local restaurants as opposed to typical wedding venues, I looked at outdoor venues (although I am not one for the outdoor weddings, I think they are beautiful, I just don't want to be sweaty and buggy), I even looked at the courthouse but just could not bring myself to get married in a place that has an overwhelming amount of criminals inside of it! I did my homework! Sooo why do people think I didn't?

( more ranting within )

Current Mood: crazy

Getting Over Drama/Losing a Friend
I won't discuss too much of the specifics of the drama that has plagued me since Sunday. I just don't feel the need to rehash everything that happened.

All I will say is that I do believe that people are entitled to their opinions. Yet, when those opinions have been stated in ways that make me uncomfortable, I have to draw the line. I have to stand up for what I feel is right. Everyone may not agree with me and that's o.k. Those that love me and truly want to be there for me will understand.

I have an amazing group of friends in my life. Women I have never even met in person but yet are the closest to me...ever. Is that odd? Maybe to some people. All I know is God has blessed me by bringing them all into my life. I have learned something from each of them. They each bring amazing things to the table in their personalities. Their humor, their strength, their tenderness, their compassion. I am not perfect. I KNOW I have thoughts and ideas and rules for myself that others do not and will not agree with. Yet they accept me. Unconditionally.

One of those girls is no longer in my life. I was devastated about it and this whole week has been shadowed by what transpired. Interestingly enough, I think that the drama closed a door to that relationship, but it also opened the door to others.

Jeff, who is never one to really dig deep into things said it best last night. He came to our home office while I was in a very heated discussion with friends online. He saw that, as par for the course this week, I was a mess and in tears. He asked what was going on with everything and I told him what was happening. He looked at me and said "you have the biggest heart I know, if a person is TRULY your friend and TRULY loves you, they will know that there is no malice inside of you. If they can't recognize it and love you unconditionally, they aren't meant to be your friend. You have to let go of those that hold you down and embrace those girls that are there right now, loving you and still being there for you."

So I do embrace those girls. I am holding them closer than I ever have before. I am now truly realizing how much they ALL mean to me.

So I say this to ALL my friends, those that are in that group as well as everyone who is here on my f-list. I do love each and every one of you. Thank you for loving me and accepting me, faults and all. Thank you for being my rock and telling me like it is.

Current Mood: calm

My 2009 in Review
Although 2009 has been a very difficult year. I wanted to post those things that have been a blessing my life this past year:

1. Amazing opportunities at work that have inspired me to start calling it my career as opposed to my job;

2. Meeting Jeff;

3. Having an amazing support system of women in my life;

4. Adding a few more BFFs into my world;

5. The birth of Nathan, that little boy makes me realize that miracles do happen;

6. My beautiful nieces who make me smile every day - no matter what is going on;

7. Jeff asking me to become his wife.

I wish everyone a New Year that brings love, happiness, peace and hope.

Current Mood: calm

Survey Time!
Kara wants me to do this!

1. What curse word do you use the most?
I don't fucking curse!

2. Do you own an iPod?
Nope.

3. What person on your flist do you talk to the most?
Melissa, Maddie and Kara.

4. What time is your alarm clock set to?
4:45 a.m.

5. Do you still remember the first person you kissed?
Yes. Unfortunately.

6. Do you remember where you were on 9/11/01?
I had just gotten into the office (downtown Chicago) when my sister called to say a plane had hit one of the towers. I ran and turned on the office tv and saw the live shot of the plane hitting the second tower. I immediately started to cry. My paralegal walked in and said "what the hell is going on?" and we sat in the office and cried together. I told him to go home, as the other staff were coming in, I told all of them to go home as well. One of the secretaries in the office, whose husband drove a limo, said "Oh I have to call my husband, he can get alot of fares with folks stuck at the airports!" I never went off on anyone quite like I did on her. My office of the building called to say that the city was being evacuated. So I grabbed the back up tape from our server and ran out the door. I got home to watch everything on tv with my sister and later that afternoon, I went over to my church, which was open for prayer. I was there with about 10 other people. One of the ladies walked up to the piano and started to sing the hymn "Let There Be Peace On Earth". Sigh.

7. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?
Either one works!

8. What was the last movie you watched?
At the movies? New Moon. At home, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner.

9. Do any of your friends have children?
Yep.

10. Has anyone ever called you lazy?
I am totally lazy.

11. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep?
Sometimes.

12. What cd is currently in your cd player?
Marie Osmond Christmas -- do not judge me.

13. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?
I LOVE milk but it has to be super fresh and super cold.

14. Has anyone told you a secret this week?
Nope.

15. When was the last time you had Starbucks?
Last week. I have a $25.00 gift card in my purse but I am saving it for a fat day and going to have a Venti Mocha Frap. Yeah baby!

16. Can you whistle?
Nope.

17. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Shoulders - I love broad shoulders.

18. What are you looking forward to?
Planning the wedding!

19. Did you watch cartoons as a child?
Yes. Wondertwin powers activate!

20. Do you own any band t-shirts?
Nope that is sooo not my style.

21. What will you be doing in one hour?
Working.

22. Is anyone in love with you?
Jeffy poo.

23. What was the last song you heard?
I do not remember.

24. Last time you cried?
Christmas Eve!

25. Are you on a desktop computer or a laptop?
Desktop

26. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
No - other than my ears I had one other piercing and ummmmm it was odd. LOL

27. What’s the weather like?
Freaking cold.

28. Would you ever date a girl/guy covered in tattoos?
Nope.

29. What did you do before this?
Worked.

30. When is the last time you slept on the floor?
Does an air mattress count? If so, Labor Day weekend at the lakehouse.

31. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
6 to function, 8 to make me happy.

32. Do you eat breakfast daily?
Nothing big. Usually a muffin or crackers or something.

33. Are your days fast-paced?
Sometimes. Today is dragging.

34. What did you do last night?
Went to Jeff's Dad's house to celebrate Christmas.

35. Do you use sarcasm?
I try not to be sarcastic. Ha ha ha ha ha righhhttt.

36. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
40.

37. Are you picky about spelling and grammar?
I never run spellcheck and I really should.

38. Have you ever been to six flags?
Yes - many many moons ago.

39. Do you get along better with the same sex or the opposite sex?
Either.

40. Do you like mustard?
Nope. I do like egg salad though and that has mustard in it.

41. Do you sleep on your side?
Yep - love it. I am a spooner.

42. Do you watch the news?
It's my crack.

43. How did you get one of your scars?
An old boyfriend had a parrot and Pepe decided to claw my arm off.

44. Who was the last person to make you mad?
Alex.

45. Do you like anybody?
Yes. I like most people.

46. What is the last thing you purchased?
Munchies for Christmas Day.

47. What side of the heart do you draw first?
Left

48. Can you dive without plugging your nose?
Yes.

49. What colour is your razor?
Pink

50. What is your blood-type?
Ya know...I have no clue.

51. Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?
Not a single soul.

52. What is a rumour someone has spread about you?
I don't remember. Isn't that awful.

53. How do you feel about carrots?
Carrots rock my world! Raw, cooked, glazed, yummy!

54. How many chairs at the dining room table?
Four.

55. Which is the best Spice Girl?
Baby.

56. Do you know what time it is?
11:40 a.m.

57. Do you know all the words to the Fresh Prince Theme Song?
Yes. Doesn't everyone??

58. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator?
Sit down and read.

59. What’s your favourite kind of gum?
I don't think I have one.

60. T or F: All’s fair in love and war?
False.

61. Do you have a crush on anyone?
Jeff!

62. Do you know how to use some words correctly, but not know the meaning?
I don't use words I don't know.

63. Do you like to sleep?
The older I get the more I crave it.

64. Do you know which US states don’t use Daylight Savings Time?
Indiana I think or parts of it.

65. Do you know the song Total Eclipse of the Heart?
Every now and then I fall apart.

66. Do you want a bright yellow ‘09 mustang?
why?

67. What’s something you’ve always wanted?
To be wealthy.

68. Do you have hairy LEGS?
God no.

69. Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake?
Both. I love to swim and being on a beach is my happy place.

70. Do you wear a lot of black?
Almost everything.

71. Describe your hair:
Short with carmel mocha lowlights.

72. Do you have Entomophobia?
No. Unless there is a furry bug - I can't handle furry freaking spiders.

73. Are you an adult?
Always.

74. Where is/are your best friend(s)?
Everyone is working; Maddie might be at Wally World.

75. Do you have a tan?
Ha. What the hell is that?

76. Are you a television addict?
No. Not at all.

77. Do you enjoy spending time with your mother?
Yep. For the most part.

78. Are you a sugar freak?
Yes

79. Do you like orange juice?
Hmmm mimosas

80. What sign are you?
I am the poster child for being a Taurus.

Current Mood: bouncy

Merry Christmas!!!!
Things will be busy for me this afternoon so I wanted to take a moment to wish all my friends a wonderful holiday filled with peace, hope and love.

I don't know what I would have done without the strength and support of my friends this past year. I know it has been a difficult road for everyone, not just myself, but having ya'll to vent to, cry to and laugh with has been amazing.

So tonight, as you gather around those you love, I hope that the spirit of the holiday stays with you, today and always.

To my beautiful red hatters - you all are amazing women! I am so thankful to have each of you in my life.

Blessings and peace.

Me.

Current Mood: happy

Waking Up to Drama
So Jeff fell asleep on the couch last night. When he finally came up to bed, he had left his phone downstairs but didn't realize it until this morning when the alarm went off.

So he goes to grab the phone and comes back upstairs. Normally when his alarm goes off, we snooze and cuddle for about ten minutes before we start our day. Instead, Jeff came to our bedroom, sat on the bed and just stared at the phone. I asked him if everything was ok and he gave me his phone. He got an email from Alex at about 10:45 last night.....

Subject Line: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dad...please Dad you have to do something. I can't live like this anymore. All Mom and Ceasar do is fight. It's always about me. About how much it costs to have me live with them and how much it costs to support me. I can't handle it. It hurts so much. Please please please let me come live with you guys cuz I just can't do this anymore. I can't handle Mom anymore. Please Daddy. Please help me.

So of course I jump out of bed and immediately want to call Alex to make sure he is ok (mind you it's 4:45 in the morning). I hug Jeff and tell him it's o.k. and that we will work it all out. I tell Jeff that he has known that Alex has been unhappy and it has obviously only gotten worse and it's time for Jeff to make a decision and to tell Deb that it is no longer a matter of what SHE wants. If we have to go to court to gain full custody we will. Alex is old enough to make his decision and a court will agree to that. We live in a wonderful area, with one of the best school districts in the country. Jeff is so passive and he has never stood up to Deb about anything. The next few days are going to be crazy.

Jeff plans on calling Deb today to schedule a face-to-face. I am so worried about it all. As Jeff was leaving he gave me a kiss and a hug and said "are you sure you are ready for what might come?" I told him no...but isn't that what comes with being a parent?

Keep us all in your thoughts and prayers folks. I think it's going to be a bumpy ride.

Current Mood: nervous

More Getting to Know You
These are from Lizzie!

1) Tell me about your family. Do you have brothers and/or sisters?

I have two older sisters. We are very much the stereotypical three child syndrome family! My oldest sister is the overachiever. My middle sister never realizes how great she actually has it and I am absolutely the baby of the family! I am blessed to have my parents still with us. We all live relatively close to one another and most of my aunts, uncles and cousins live very close as well. So I see my family quite often. I love it and wouldn't change it.

2) Where did you grow up?

I was born and raised in Chicago. I am thankful that I grew up in a very diverse neighborhood. Since I was 19 I have lived in the various suburbs but around here, you are always a Chicagoan no matter what burb you call home.

3) What is your favorite drink (can be alcoholic or nonalcoholic)? Hmmm I am a big lemonade fan. My favorite alcoholic drink is a Cosmopolitan.

4) What bothers you the most about WP? Hmmmm...I am much more of a traditional girl so I don't get how so many brides and grooms want their weddings to "reflect us" that they lose sight of how beautiful a wedding can be and than it just becomes rather silly. Recently though, I am not liking how no one can speak their minds without offending SOMEONE. It's ridiculous.

5) What are your hobbies? I love to read. Reading is my escape so I would much rather read something trashy than something deep and meaningful! I know that's terrible but there is enough garbage in the world, just give me a book about the Regency Era or some Scottish laird and I am all set!

Current Mood: creative

Getting to Know You
These are from Rachel!!!!!!

1. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? Is there any part of your career that relates to your original childhood dream?

I wanted to be a vertrinarian more than anything. Unfortunately math and science were not strong subjects for me. I just cannot grasp numbers. It's awful. I say I am mathematically dyslexic! Now I am in the legal field, which I love but it isn't as funny as saving fur babies.

2. What was your favorite halloween costume and why?

I have a few. When I was a little kid I was HR Puffenstuff and I LOVED that show and was thrilled to have that costume! As a teenager, I was Boy George one year and that costume ROCKED and finally, the Halloween when I purchased my first home, I threw my annual party and my husband and I rented costumes from a costume company that provides theatre costumes to the Chicagoland theatre district. He was the Quasimodo and I was Esmerelda and our costumes were fabulous! Of course, he scared the crap out of the kids trick or treating but once I came outside the kids realized who he was and they were cool with it. We even sung some Disney tunes from the Hunchback movie while handing out candy. The kids loved it.

3. What is something that you collect, if anything? Any particular reason for the collection?

I used to collect Longerberger baskets. I just loved the baskets and my decorating sense used to be country casual. My decorating style has changed and so has my budget so I can't afford those damn things anymore!

4. What is your favorite physical feature about yourself, and what is your favorite personality feature?

My eyes are my favorite feature. They are blue but change to grey and sometimes violet when I am angry. I have a very dry sarcastic personality - people either love it or hate it. I love it.

5. What do you do when you have a depressing day?

I go to my sister's house and spend time with my nieces...they ALWAYS make me laugh. If that doesn't help I just have a really good cry.

Current Mood: cheerful

Getting to Know You
5 questions from Patti!

Leave me a comment saying "Resistance is Futile."

• I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can satisfy my curiosity
• Update your journal with the answers to the questions
• Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions

1. What is your favorite part of living in IL?

Besides all the awesome governors we have had? I guess the answer would be Chicago! I LOVE my town. It is beautiful and has sooo much to offer. I don’t even take advantage of enough of it. I like that I can live in my small town of cornfields and 45 minutes later I am in this amazing city. We have our share of problems but I wouldn’t trade it! Also, 95% of my family is here. We all are in very close proximity to each other and I get to see aunts, uncles and cousins all the time.

2. Gelatin, friend or foe? Foe and unfortunately a sad story goes with it. I was raised in a three flat building. My paternal grandparents lived in the first floor apartment, my maternal grandparents owned the building and lived on the second floor and we lived on the third. I was truly “raised by a village”, especially my maternal grandmother. She was TOTALLY the glue that held it all together for us. Anyway, my grandfather had suffered a heart attack and a stroke and was in the hospital. My grandmother was at the hospital and told my aunt that she had a craving for Jello. So they went to the hospital cafeteria. My grandmother had a few bites of her Jello, looked up at my aunt and said “I love you” and suffered a massive heart attack and died. I fucking blame the Jello.

3. If you're standing in line and someone gets in front of you, without really realizing it, do you say something? Yes. I ALWAYS speak my mind. Sometimes it is not a good thing.

4. I know you're a big make-up whore, would you ever go tent camping? Would you wear make up while doing it? I could probably handle a one night tent camping experience but I couldn’t do more…not because of my prissiness but mostly because, after having spinal fusion, my back in a sleeping bad or air mattress would not be good. I would be willing to do it just to day “take that bitches!” Would I be swimming in a lake while camping? If so than no…I would probably NOT wear makeup. Unless there were hot guys…are there hot guys?

5. What has been your favorite concert? Well this is going to sound sooo dorky but back when my marriage imploded I started going to a new church, it was Baptist General Conference so they weren’t sacrificing chickens and the music was AWESOME. That church introduced me to Christian Pop/Rock which I love to this day. One of my favorite groups was called Avalon. Well turns out Avalon was playing at this tiny church right by my house and tickets were only $10.00 each. It was the beginning of December so I begged my middle sister to go with me. Knowing I was going through emotional turmoil at the time she agreed to go with me. This concert was AMAZING! To this day even my sister says it was probably the best concert she has ever been to as well.

Current Mood: cheerful

More Getting to Know Me Questions
From Gena!

1. If you could convince Jeff to right now just change one parenting technique, what would you advocate for? I would love for Jeff to quit blaming every bad move Alex makes on "just being a teenager." I think it is terrible when parents make excuses for their child's poor behavior and that one takes the cake. I would advocate that Jeff really think it through before he makes the blanket statement.

2. What is your favorite quality about Alex? Alex is really a very loving boy who is not afraid to show affection. At 15 that is a wonderful quality. Gena - thank you for that question because I think I needed it.

3. What electronic could you not live without? Dude...my lifeline to you! The puter.

4. What is your favorite meal at your favorite restaurant? Enchilada Suizas

5. What rule of your parents did you disobey most? Here is the thing...I was the last kid...there were no rules!

More Getting to Know You Questions
More Getting to Know Me Questions

If you want 5 questions, respond with 'resistance is futile'.

From SarahBeth:

1. What is your favorite Halloween memory?

My friends Debbie, John and myself would always go "haunted house hunting" every year. We would go every weekend from the beginning of October and try to hit as many as we could. We would map out which ones we would go to! It was crazy and expensive! So one year her mother heard about this great haunted house in Mt. Carrol, Illinois. Supposedly it was the best place ever. We were told that it was about an hour out of Chicago (this was before the days of Mapquest). So we decided to try our luck. THREE HOURS LATER....we arrive at our destination and this is literally THE WORST PLACE EVER. It was just so unbelievably bad. So they had this part of the house where you had to go through a wall on a dumbwaiter pully thing. I got STUCK in it. For over an hour! It was insane. Although the whole experience was bad it was also really funny in the bad way and to this day we all talk about that experience.

2. What's your favorite cocktail (and share the recipe *flutters lashes*)?

I love Cosmos.

3. If you could live in a different historic era, which would it be? (BTW, I accidentally typed era as ear SIX times typing that question, I hate this keyboard sometimes.)

The Regency Era - without a doubt. I was meant to live in England at that time!

4. Do you prefer to be near the water or near the woods?

Water. It's my happy place!

5. Do you like any sports? Which ones?

Hockey and Soccer

Current Mood: annoyed

Stolen from Kara (Who Stole it from Gena)
THEN: November 1999

1. Age: 29
2. Romantic Status: Married to Derek
3. Occupation: Office Manager for a boutique law firm
4. Fun night out: Dinner with friends
5. My BFFs: Patti and Jane
6. I spent way too much time: Working my butt off for the house I had purchased a few months earlier.
7. I spent not enough time: watching what was going on under my roof a bit more closely
8. I wanted to be when I grew up: I was already grown up by then! I always wanted to be a veterinarian though.
9. Biggest concern: Weather I would have a house and be pregnant by the time I was 30
10. What my biggest concern should have been: See answer to no. 6
11. Where did I live: My very first house in Homewood
12. Dumbest thing I did that year: I can't remember.
13. If I could go back now and talk to myself I would say: Keep a better eye on things, dump your husband, don't lose track of your friends.

NOW: November 2009

1. Age: 39
2. Romantic Status: in a relationship
3. Occupation: legal assistant/trademark administrator for law firm
4. Fun night out: ummmm family time
5. My BFFs: Maddie and my LJ girls
6. I spend way too much time: on LJ!
7. I spend not enough time: working out
8. I want to be when I grow up: a lottery winner
9. Biggest concern: Finances - thanks to the problems listed above it will ALWAYS be finances
10. What my biggest concern should be: Health of my family members
11. Where do I live: Townhome in Manhattan, IL
12. Dumbest thing I have done this year: There isn't anything that stands out...I am perfect!
13. What I think I would say to myself in 10 years: You succeeded.

SUMMARY:

1. What do I miss most from 1999: My friends
2. What do I miss least from 1999: My ex-husband
3. What have I accomplished in 10 years that I am most proud of: I made alot of mistakes in my relationships with people and hurt myself in many ways. I was able to regroup and refocus and I like where my life is now
4. What have I NOT accomplished in 10 years that I wish I had: I really wish I had married the right person and had a child or two.

Part 2:
1. Your ex is on the side of the road on fire. Point and laugh and throw more alcohol on him.
2. Your best friend tells you she is pregnant. I would say it is a miracle from God!
3. When is the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face? Yesterday at work. I hate dealing with foreign trademarks because I still don't understand it and alas my boss isn't thrilled with me
4. Congratulations! You just had a son. What's his name? Hunter James
5. Congratulations! You just had a daughter. What's her name? Rebecca Kathleen or Alexie Clementine (it's a family name)
6. What are you craving right now? Nothing.
7. What was the last thing you cried about? My uncle's cancer prognosis
8. When you buy something and your change is a penny: I leave it in the penny jar at the store or tell them to keep it.
9. What color is your tissue box? I don't have one.
10. Do you have a ceiling fan in your room, and if so, is there dust on that fan? No I am a clean freak
11. What is the last voicemail you received about? My aunt called to tell me someone I know died a few weeks ago. I really don't want to find out who it was!
12. Scariest thing you've experienced in the last year? All my various surgeries but specifically my own cancer scare
13. What do you order when you go to Taco Bell? taco pizza
14. Have you ever had a garage sale? Yes and it rocked!
15. What was the last alcoholic beverage you had? red wine
16.Are you happy right now? Yep other than that work related problem listed above I can't get off my mind
17. Who came over last? no one
18. Do you miss anybody right now? Always
19. Dark or light jeans? Dark. Always dark.
20. What was the last movie you watched at home? Anna Karinina
21. What is in your pocket? Nothing.
22. Who introduced you to your significant other? E-Harmony
23. Where do you hurt? my foot - always
24. What is your favorite aisle at Wal-Mart? Bedding
25. When is your birthday? May 3rd
26. What are you going to do after this? actually working instead of procrastinating
27. What is your favorite dessert? cake of any kind
28. Do you have the same name as one of your relatives? My middle name (Maureen) is my Aunt's name
29. Is someone plotting your demise? Oh I am sure about it.
30. Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member? My sister Kim - all the time. Even Jeff's stepmom thought she was me when they met.
31. Does someone like you right now? Yes.
32. Do you know anyone in jail/prison? Probably but I don't realize they are in jail
33. Do you like the color green? depends on the shade.
34. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? I would hope so.

Current Mood: crappy

Post Halloween Post - Recap of My ChiliFest
***Apology to Laura who had to hear my rant about Alex on Sunday and will again have to read about it again***

I am going to do my Post Halloween Post just like the Post Wedding Posts in WP!

( Halloween )

Current Mood: sick

My Handsome New Nephew
Angie and Jim are finally home with their gorgeous son, Nathan James!

I got to see him for the first time today. I am without a doubt completely in love with this precious bundle of joy!

Meet Nathan James!!!!

( Nathan )

Current Mood: giddy

A Day at Pilcher Park
Jeff and I went hiking again to day at Pilcher Park. It hurts like hell on the foot but I gotta get some exercise. I won't let the foot problems get me down.

My beautiful niece Mackenzie joined us.

So here are some pictures:

( Pilcher Park )

Current Mood: thankful

Some sunshine after the rain
This has been a bad week. It seems lately there is nothing but a cloud over me. I have been trying like hell to keep out of the clouds but it has been difficult.

Yesterday, we received word that we lost our biggest trademark client. Therefore, any chance of me officially getting a paralegal title (and salary) is over. I am sad on so many levels. One, because my boss has been their attorney for 20 years and that relationship is all over. As a partner, he has a difficult task ahead to replace them. Of course, I feel sorry for myself. I am also very angry on how we were informed. Via email. That just sucks.

On the plus side, I just got word that I will NOT owe the $13,000.00 in medical bills after all. I spoke with the surgery center and they said that they will just accept the money that Blue Cross has offered to pay and be done with it. I guess this happens all the time with Blue Cross. For those that don't think we need some sort of health care reform in the States, look at me as an example of why we do.

I have this damn baby shower tomorrow for Jeff's sister. I just spent $37.00 on WRAPPING PAPER at Target yesterday. $37!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What the hell.

So, I thank God for the the bit of sunshine in my rainy week.

Current Mood: blah

My Life - An Update
So...today was just the weirdest day. Some bad things, some good things, one GREAT thing and one thing that has me worried and upset because of a gut feeling (and I have a big gut)...

1. I haven't received an update post on Maddie since this afternoon but thank you so much to my Red Hatters for all their well wishes. I love you all more and more each passing day. Ya'll rock and I am going goodie bag shopping this weekend so be sure to tell me what Chicago treats you want!!!!!!!!!!

2. I had to visit ye old dentist today. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my dentist. He is in the area of Chicago known as the "Gold Coast" and it is pretty ritzy. His office is very high end but they never treat me badly. I started going to him because I have always had very bad teeth. I don't have much enamel and they crack easily. So whenever I would go to a new dentist I would always get berated for having bad teeth or get asked how long I have been bulimic because of the enamel issue. I never really felt comfortable and basically dentist hopped until I found my guy. Well with all the other surgeries this year I have put off any further dental work (did I mention I have about $20k in work that needs to be done?) Looking at me you would never guess because all the bad stuff is "hidden" lol. Anyway...today we were talking and he asked about getting caps on the teeth that we had previously talked about (I need three...two caps on my actual teeth and a third "cap" for the implant that they had to put in (that was nice). So grand total...with discount....$3300.00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For the love of Gooodddddddd!!!!!!!!!!! I have it but yikes. So I have to make a decision and soon. I figure, I should do it now because if I wait and something happens to my two teeth, it will cost me even more. But I am shell shocked! Which leads me to......

3. When I had the foot surgeries, my doctor's office handled all the planning. The podiatrist is also the surgeon. So I never questioned that the surgery would NOT be covered by my insurance. Any other surgery I have ever had, the doc's office had gotten preapproval on the matter and I never had to deal with any of that. I had made the assumption the same was done here PLUS my surgeon is part of my insurance plan. So never questioned it. When I was signing the paperwork the day of surgery, the clerk specifically said "we accept Blue Cross". I remember specifically because I said "well you better or we can't do this surgery". Fast forward and I get the EOB from Blue Cross REFUSING TO PAY THE BILL. $13,000.00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well I can't freaking pay that. So my HR rep tells me to appeal to Blue Cross and try to work something out with the surgery center. Today I come home to a letter from the surgery center. THEY WANT TO APPEAL ON MY BEHALF! Which is WONDERFUL news because obviously there is a major paperwork/communication problem. So this gives me some relief. I don't have $13k...I can never pay that bill and I doubt they would take $100.00 from me for the rest of my life!!!! So fingers crossed this all works out.

4. My sister's girlfriend lost her job right after the holidays. She invented a chip used in the MRI machines (kid you not) and proceeded to sell them as her actual "job". I guess the need to purchase MRI machines went to the wayside with the recession and they had to let her go. It was touch and go as they live in a cushy area of Chicago, have the lakehouse, etc. So on Sunday, June, who is agnostic, said to me..."I know you pray...will you pray for me...I need any help I can get." SHE GOT A JOB TODAY! Her last paycheck from her termination package was mailed TODAY. How awesome is that. Whether it was Divine Intervention, fate or what...this is awesome news.

5. At my job I am a paralegal but not by official title. Basically they fired the paralegal for the trademark division last year and gave the job to me with the understanding that if I could handle it and was working out, they would revisit the title and I would get a pay raise in 9 months. 9 months later, there is a recession and NO RAISES. Also, no title because there is arguments over how much billing am I actually doing and of course there is that whole no college thing. Our main trademark client requires us to bid for their full business. This is HUGE. I bust my ass working on this bid. Hours and hours and late nights and stress and we get it in in time and everything is golden. We are supposed to hear from the client within 30 days. We don't hear from them until this past Tuesday night. My boss is already gone for the day and he calls them back Wednesday morning. He doesn't hear back from them. All day. I ask him again this morning and this afternoon and he says he called again and still no answer. So here is the kicker...he is behind closed doors all day today and is not talking to me. I think he heard about the bid. I think the firm got it, but I think the client has a problem with me being the paralegal on the matter and he is trying to figure out what to do. I know I have no proof but like I said...it is my gut feeling.

Ok - so that's the update of my life. I need a stiff drink!

Current Mood: curious

Baby Showers
So....I am throwing Jeff's sister's baby shower in a couple weeks (I am one of 4 women throwing it). I don't mind (even though I sort of got suckered into it) and I am thrilled for Angie, as she is adopting a baby and I know he is just going to be the cutest thing and very much loved.

So I have been buying little outfits here and there and today Jeff and I spent an absurd amount of money on things. Of course, while I was in the store shopping I started to get a bit emotional and by the time we made it to the car, I was a wreck.

I am 39 years old and I will never be a mommy. I tried for so long to get pregnant while I was married and than when it was over I decided I didn't want to be a mom because my nieces and nephews were enough for me. Of course now my biological clock is a timebomb.

Sigh. Just venting really.

Current Mood: cranky

I can't stop crying
My aunt's cancer is now in her brain.

Current Mood: indescribable

When it rains it pours
I have an Aunt. Aunt Judy. Aunt Judy was married to my mom's brother, who was also my Godfather. He and I were SUPER CLOSE. They didn't have any children so basically I was it. My Aunt was someone who I always thought was the coolest person. She had the best jewelry...since they didn't have kids they always traveled and went out all the time on weekends and they owned a juke box! ROFL. As I got older, I realized that my Aunt wasn't a very nice person BUT she is my aunt and I love her. My uncle got throat cancer and even though he beat the cancer, he passed away due to the remaining problems that radiation caused him. Anyway...shortly after my uncle died, Judy was diagnosed with breast cancer. She had a full mastectomy. Right after that, she too was diagnosed with throat cancer (she never smoked so chalk one up to second-hand smoke). The doctors told her they weren't too concerned, it was a small tumor and the surgery would take about 3 hours. 19 hours later, the doctor informs my family (my parents and my sisters are basically it for her family, she has a sister she doesn't ever see in California) that the tumor wrapped around her esophagus and in turn, they had to remove most of her throat and rebuild it and that she would never eat again and if she was able to speak again, it would be a gift from God. Sigh. A few months after that, uterin cancer, full hysterectomy.

So she goes in about a month ago for her annual check up. They run some tests and they find...a tumor on her lung. So they run a bunch more tests....she went today to get the results.

Stage 4 lung cancer with the cancer also spread to her liver. She has to go in for a full body scan because they believe, the cancer might be in her brain. They also believe that due to all her previous cancer issues, her bones may be too brittle for chemo. So she has to have a bone test done.

So she survived all these other cancers, which left her without the ability to eat, she can barely talk and now...she is going to die. Soon.

I just want to be 8 years old again and have her paint my nails and take me shopping and than to the ice cream palor! I want a re-do!

Sigh.

Current Mood: sad