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Pictures of the wedding
Shane and Linda had the perfect day to be married! It was sunny, 84 degrees with a light breeze. Linda looked amazing! The wedding/reception site was just gorgeous! The bride was radiant and everyone enjoyed themselves! So here are the pics behind the cut! Yeah I said it! I figured out this posting nonsense!

I won't do a wedding review because I always think, unless it is your wedding, that is really unfair to do. I will say the following:

The bride was stunning....seriously breathtaking.

The groom was handsome.

The children were adorable and well behaved.

The estate, although Narnia themed, was not overdone and really was a unique place. Since the wedding itself was not Narnia themed, it worked. The grounds were amazing and I would love to have my wedding there!

The salad was orgasmic and probably the best I have ever had. The main course ehhhh typical wedding food to be honest. The cake was OUT OF THIS WORLD.

The DJ played tons of 80s music and I think everyone really liked that.

We left at 11:20...the party ended at 11:30.

So on to the pictures!

( Wedding )

Busy busy busy
Last week was crazy busy. I started physical therapy. I have to go three days a week. Jeff was away on business so I had to go through alot of hell alone. No one to whine too about how much it hurt! LOL

Also got a taste of being a mom. Alex started his guitar lessons and I had to go to his house Tuesday night to pick him up after my PT. I had to rush home after work to pick him up and take him to his lessons. I wanted to get him new strings for his guitar. Of course, the salesguy at the guitar studio suggested three or four other things that Alex will "eventually" need. Well he is a teenager and wanted it all now! So I told him if he continued with his lessons and seemed to take a true interest, every few weeks we will get him something "new" but if I found he wasn't practicing at home, being a brat or whatever, we wouldn't purchase any more items. He was cute because he just said "yes ma'am" and didn't fight. He is such a good kid. I love him to pieces. After the lessons I had to drive him back home.

Jeff finally came home very late on Friday night. It was rather amusing. I couldn not sleep at all during the week without him home. I have gotten used to him being there. Friday, I was exhausted. I knew he would be home that night and I conked out! He came home around 11:00 that night and I was out like a light. I remember him saying "baby I am home" and giving me a kiss and that was that. So much for a great homecoming LOL.

He had to work Saturday so unfortunately, no time spent together that day either. I did go out to lunch with the family so that was nice and relaxing.

Sunday I finally got to spend some time with Jeff. We slept in, had a yummy breakfast and ran some errands. In the process.....

I tried on engagement rings.

Just tried on folks....trying to get an idea of what I might want/like/etc.

I have no clue if or when....but it is nice to know that he loves me that much. :)

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Washing machine

Father's Day
So it was 120 degrees with the humidity in the lovely Chicagoland area on Sunday and I get to spend it with Jeff's family.

Jeff and I have had a complicated relationship with Jeff's brother J as of late. He is angry that Jeff moved out and is now living with me, even though J told me that he has never seen his brother happier.

Right after Easter, J had contacted me and voiced his displeasure to me directly. I immediately told him to bugger off and suggested that he discuss this with Jeff, as Jeff is a big boy and can handle things on his own.

So fast forward to Father's Day. Everyone is on the patio. Jeff and I walk in and everyone comes up and hugs me but J. Who chooses to completely ignore me and also fails to introduce me to his new girlfriend. So of course, I decide to smother him with kindness and J does not handle it well. He treats me with contempt most of the day, but I just choose to completely ignore him. He isn't worth being hurt by.

Fast forward again until about 10 p.m. on Sunday night. Jeff's stepmom calls me to tell me how much she and Jeff's dad love me, how the whole family loves me and J can just suck it up and deal.

Good times with family!

Not looking forward to...
Father's Day.

I love Jeff. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. The fact that we are like night and day really helps our relationship. He accepts me as I am, loves me unconditionally and is there to support me 110%. Unfortunately.....I can't stand his family.

I don't get their family dynamic and I realize that maybe my family is the group of oddballs. I am not sure. They don't talk to one another. They never call each other. I have yet to meet Jeff's mom and when I mention it, he just says "she's different...she doesn't like visitors." Ok. I see my family all the time. They are a huge force in my life. I could never imagine being too far away from them or not seeing them on a weekly basis.

Jeff's sister, is not a loving and friendly woman. When I met her at Easter she actually said to me, "I can't believe you are still dating my brother." What? Why is that a surprise. She started asking me about my job and where I lived. When I explained everything she said "oh...so you must have alot of money huh" No. I don't. I just fake it really well! LOL Why would someone say something like that? How odd. Every comment made to me had something to do with where I live or how much money I have or the car I drive. I really don't have a fancy house or an amazing car. I have worked hard for the things I have. So why rain on my parade?

So we are going to his Dad's house for Father's Day. My family will be at the lakehouse so I won't be seeing them. That's ok though. My dad needs to get some boating and fishing time in. So more power to him. I just don't want to go to Jeff's Dad's. I don't want to deal with the oddness and the strange feeling I get that there is something deeper going on that I don't know about. It's weird and I don't know if it makes any sense.

Sigh.

Wow...it's been a long time here...
Geez - life gets complicated and one forgets about their damn LJ blog!

Well...where do I begin? Hmmmmm

I had my first foot surgery back in March. It didn't fix the problem as we hoped it would. I have now been in a boot for two months which has done HAVOC on my back. It's a mess and I am becoming an emotional mess because of all of it. I had a nerve test done Saturday and scheduled the next foot surgery. Hopefully this one will work. If it doesn't....well I am going to have to deal with foot pain. It is what it is. I just want the back pain to go away once and for all.

Work has been most awesome. Because of the foot problems I quit working at Osco and I have been VERY happy. Yes...I miss the extra money but I love having my nights and weekends just for me. As for the law firm - things are just flowing right for me there right now. We had to submit a bid to a client to continue doing their work and to get ALL their portfolio. We won't know if we get it until the end of the month but I was an integral piece to that puzzle. I had a huge stake in it and most importantly, I worked with alot of people who have never had the opportunity to work with me before and they were buzzing about what a great job I did. I am not one to toot my own horn but I KICKED ASS ON THIS! LOL It comes at a great time because reviews are happening and the firm will really need to step up to the plate to decide what type of "title" they want to give me. I am hoping for a huge raise for the work I have done. I know they firm will probably use the excuse about the economy being crappy but I am really hoping I get a nice chunk!

Jeff is incredible. Things with that are incredible. I love him to death and even though we are worlds different, it works for us. He loves me and accepts everything about me and I am learning to put down my guard. I haven't done that in awhile. It's a nice feeling.

Wow...my life is pretty boring when I can catch the few people that read this up to speed in a matter of a few paragraphs! LOL

Current Mood: full
Current Music: cat purring

Surgery and a bit depressed
It's been awhile. I had my foot surgery on Thursday and it has been tough getting by. Jeff and my family have been great with taking care of me but it sucks. I hate not being able to do what I want and having everyone else do stuff for me.

My next surgery is on April 17th. Uggggh.

I will be happy when I am healthy again.

The old saying...when you least expect it...
So....after Thansgiving I took a hard look at my life. Where I wanted it to be. What was happening. Career-wise things could not be better. I have a job I am loving more than anything. The new position is kicking my ass but in a good way. I think I am doing a good job and Andy seems to be happy with me. All is well. Hopefully when review time comes around I will get the raise I am hoping will happen so I can quit the second job. On the job front, life was and is wonderful.

As for Osco...nothing has changed other than me not really putting any kind of effort into it. As I have previously stated, I don't love this store as much as I loved the other. Probably because I don't have the relationships here as I did at my old place. I miss all of them and wish I could go back but oh well...always gotta move forward right?

So this all being said...what did I least expect? A relationship. After Thansgiving I decided to stop searching...to be content with where my life was headed and enjoy spending time with family and old friends who recently popped back into my life. I have been so lucky in that respect as well that dating wasn't important. I was happy spending time with all the girls and working this challenging job....

So then I met Jeff. We started chatting on line over a month ago. Back and forth, pretty basic emails. Than he started to show a bit more personality in his emails which got me laughing and I realized he is definitely a bit of a smart ass. After about 3 weeks of sending emails back and forth he finally called. Every phone call was well over an hour...sometimes two. Now, I have had great phone conversations before so again, didn't put much stock in it. We finally met in person and well....since then things have been great. We have been seeing each other regularly. He is a great guy who treats me well. We are both very laid back about the relationship which is nice. No pressure whatsoever. I really like him and I hope he feels the same way. I am guarding my heart and I know no matter what happens I will be ok.

I wasn't looking and BAM! Who would have thought the saying would be true?

Change
Do you feel it? Do you? You know what that is? It's hope! Do you hear that? Do you? It's called change! Do you see that? Do you? It's called faith!

Barack and Roll today everyone! It's the start of something amazing! I just know it! I am so damn proud today! I am thrilled by what the future can hold. It's a fresh start!

There will be difficulties. There will be mistakes. Not every decision will be perfect but after eight years of Republican tirany we can look ahead. There are long roads ahead...the economy, the wars, healthcare...the list goes on. Yet I feel in my heart....change is going to come!

Current Mood: excited
Current Music: CNN - BARACK BABY!

Two months?
Wow...I cannot believe I haven't written anything in two months. My life is THAT boring? Sigh so sad. Well it isn't even that it is boring. I just have so little time to do much and when I do have some down time...I basically just want to sleep or watch pointless reality shows to escape! LOL That being said, here is a rundown of my life lately.

1. I was promoted at the law office. I wasn't promoted because of my unbelieveable skill. I was promoted because they fired the paralegal for IP. Now, this is what gets me. A year ago, when the paralegal job became available, I fought for it. I fought hard. I felt that I could learn it if I was trained by the right people. I was willing to take classes and/or go back to school. I wanted the opportunity to try. Alas, the head of the department here didn't like that idea (I personally think it was for his own selfish reasons but others have said that he wasn't "confident" that I could "handle" the job). So when he and the secretarial manager tell me...hey we are going to train you for the paralegal position but you will also be a secretary so lots more work but a great learning experience and a new title...blah blah blah. My first question was "a year ago you didn't think I was qualified...why the change of heart". My manager laughed later, saying that only I would have the guts to ask a question like that but she was proud of me for putting him on the spot. Of course I got a lame answer but it felt good to show that I knew the game. So I have been in heavy training mode, learning what I can about trademarks and hoping I am doing a great job. Unfortunately, I am also swamped every single day because of all I have to do. I am not complaining...I LOVE IT but it is mentally exhausting.

2. Osco....well not sure what to say on this front. I like the place but I don't like the way it is run. It is so different than what I am used to and I don't think I will ever get comfortable there. As my old store, I would walk in and it would feel like home. I still just feel like a visitor at this store. Not sure why. Plus, there is just way too much drama. So many people don't do anything and earn a paycheck and it drives me nuts. When you complain about it, nothing happens. It's frustrating. I am starting to learn just to not care so much. Makes it easier. I did get a very generous Christmas gift from my boss there though. So that's a plus!

3. The house. As I work non-stop, I haven't been able to do much with it. I also still haven't found bedding I am in love with. Until I do I cannot finish the master suite. It is starting to bug me. Sigh.

4. Men. Ummm where do I begin on this? Let's see. I finally had to tell John it was truly and completely over. Nothing had changed, even with his numerous promises that I finally just said enough. I was starting to distance myself....not answering his phone calls right away...not being very involved in any conversation (which frankly, was ALWAYS the case because every phone call was him more or less bitching about hating his job). He kept asking what was wrong with me and finally I just had enough. I didn't even explain myself. I just said....we have had this discussion numerous times. I think we just need to face that we don't have anything. He got angry and started to yell and I said "I won't take this from you" and I hung up. He called me on Christmas Eve to wish me a happy holiday. He called me at the office though and I wasn't in. I am sure his phone call was to try and get me to invite him over for the holiday because I am sure he had no where to go. Either way. It's done and I am fine with it.

Unfortunately, I have been very emotional lately. Alot of it centers around the most ridiculous thing. My sister got hooked on the Twilight books. I tried my damndest not to read them but alas, she suckered me in and I did. My sister kept telling me....you will totally be a Team Jacob fan. I know you will and it might be hard for you but I won't tell you why just read them. So I did. She was right. I am completely without a doubt a Team Jacob fan. Why? Well here is where it gets sad for me. Jacob (especially prior to being a werewolf), reminded me of Cristian before he turned into an asshole (his pre-werewolf stage). Things Jacob said...the way he acted. Just brought up alot of that for me and made me sad on so many levels. So my sister asked me when I was done with the first two books what I thought and I said "yeah I am totally Jacob's fan. I heart him". She then said "I know he had to have reminded you of someone". I just nodded because there wasn't much to say. So unfortunately, it stirred alot of things up for me and I have been doing alot of reminiscing. I know our breakup would have happened eventually. I still miss my friend though. I will always miss that guy more than anything.

So I haven't even been dating. There are a few guys I have been chatting with but nothing that I think will come from it. Which is fine. I don't have time or energy for a relationship. I am o.k. and will be o.k.

The Election
There have been many moments where I have said "today was the best day of my life"..... graduations, parties, weddings, etc. None of them can compare to the elation I felt while standing in Grant Park last night witnessing history happen. I was surrounded by such a diverse group of people....African Americans, Caucasions, gays, straights, Indians...the list goes on. Each of us celebrating not the color of the man, but the man himself. Celebrating change. Celebrating the end of Republican tirany. I am humbled, I am proud, I am overwhelmed. When Obama won Pennsylvania, I thought "OMG, could this be happening". When they announced Ohio, one of the gentlement to my right, who was with a large group of 30-something men, turned to me and said..."We just took our country back". At 10:00 p.m. the unthinkable happened....Barack Obama was named the President-Elect of the United States of America. I yelled, I laughed and I cried. I cried alot. I turned to the African-American family behind me and we all hugged. I told them that I could not even imagine what they were feeling, knowing how overwhelmed I was. The mom of the group said "don't you realize honey, none of this could have happened if not for me AND you. We did this together."

There is a long road ahead. I know he will make mistakes. He is expected to do great things and he will stumble. We all need to expect that as well.

I am humbled, I am amazed, I am thrilled with my country and most of all....for the first time in eight years...I am proud of my country.

Current Mood: energetic
Current Music: Listening to everyone talking politics

Election Night
I GOT THE GOLDEN TICKET! I will be in Grant Park on Tuesday night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whoooo hooooooooooooo!

Current Mood: excited

A Weekend of Realizations
Gosh it's been awhile. I need to get better at putting my thoughts down than having them all stay jumbled in my head.

It has now been officially one month since I have seen John. The great thing about it is...I just don't care. I truly honestly don't care. At first I did...the first two weeks, I was frustrated and lonely but with any relationship, eventually that passes and life moves on. It did and it has. He calls every day, although I am not sure why. Our conversations aren't insightful. I don't tell him about my day (not that he would listen anyway). When he calls it is for him to vent. To bitch about work or how tired he is. Of course the past few days he has done nothing but bitch about his almight Cubs and how they choked and such. I didn't say anything. All I could think in my head is...well isn't it nice, you gave up a great relationship with me for baseball...karma's a bitch. But again, I just didn't say anything because really...it's not worth saying.

So he called on Friday night and it was the top of the 9th in the Sox game. They were losing and I knew they wouldn't rebound but I wasn't concerned since they would be coming back to Chicago for two more games of the series and they would win then. Plus, I had laundry and some other chores to do. So John calls and wants to know if I am watching the game. I say "No...I have a bunch to do so I am doing laundry...I just turned it off". He then goes on a tirade about how I am not a "real fan" because I didn't watch to the end. Finally I just said "look, if I have not already told you this a thousand times....it is A GAME. IT IS JUST BASEBALL. I don't make the money they do, I don't have their schedules and frankly, their winning isn't going to get my laundry done. My life does not revolve around sports...it revolves around the people and things in my life...I have tons of errands to run tomorrow and a party at my sisters...I don't have time". He immediately said he was sorry he got me upset and he said he would talk to me on Saturday. He called on Saturday and I was distant. Doesn't he hear it in my voice? Sunday the same way. I don't know what is in me that in my 38 years I can't just say "don't bother to call me anymore" but I just can't seem to find the words. I think with John it is that he is so miserable and always calls to complain about his life that I don't want to add to it? I don't know. I know I need to just do it...why I can't just do it I dunno. LOL

Lots of thoughts lately
1. Ok....so....I started thinking about weight loss. A few years ago, I was on weight watchers and I lost a ton of weight. When I had the various back surgeries I put the weight back on (doesn't help that at the time I also lived with a tub o lard) so I have been going back and forth about loosing the weight again. Some folks would say "just get surgery" but ya know...that isn't me. So I was thinking the other day, now that I started back up at Osco, I won't be home eating and sitting around so good time to jump start the weight loss again. Part of the assistance I got when I lost the weight the last time was working out at the club, specifically with water exercises --- laps in the pool with water weights and such. I loved loved loved that. Unfortunately, there isn't any place near my house like that since I live in the middle of nowhere. Now there is a place about 30 minutes away and it looks lovely (and expensive) but I figure I have to do something. Also, since I know no one who would work out with me anyway, I was thinking about investing in a personal trainer at the club as well. So on the evenings I am not working at the store, I could work out at the club and than on the weekends get a Saturday and Sunday in. So at least two - three times a week? It might be a bit more expensive than I am willing to spend. I am waiting for some information back from the club. I'll take it from there.

2. Had a full out fight with John yesterday on all the drama from the weekend. He just wasn't getting it. Didn't understand my hurt or my pain. I finally started to cry and said "I have a boyfriend but I have never been so lonely in my life". I think that finally hit him on the head. He kept apologizing and begging me not to cry and I finally said "I won't do this to myself, I can't do it and you aren't worth it to me. From here on out, it is on you. If you aren't there, than so be it. I just don't care anymore." He swore he would try and be better but it isn't going to happen. Another great reason for joining the club. I can't think about being lonely. All my friends have someone and I am so tired of being the 3rd wheel. Sigh. So between work and working out....I am hoping to be too busy to be mopey. So much more was said this past weekend - just too much to type.

3. The new job...I think they are either testing me or trying to kill me...all I know is....I was NEVER this busy at the other store. Damn. How can a store that has no customers keep me so damn busy.

4. Still debating on the Halloween party. Do I keep it just as chili-fest or do more? I am thinking just doing the chili-fest and not spending the money. I can't decide.

5. My sister purchased the same living room set I have....weird.

Current Mood: blank

Kissing
Now....I don't think I am THE BEST KISSER THAT EVER LIVED but I have never gotten any complaints...so I ask this...........

WHY DO SOME PEOPLE KISS BY SHOVING THEIR TONGUE SO FAR DOWN YOUR THROAT YOU GAG AND AT THE SAME TIME SUCK IN YOUR WHOLE DAMN FACE?????????????????????

Seriously...do you NOT hear me gasping for air? Trying not to throw up from the gag reflex?? Seriously???? Seriously???

Just when you think you hit the jackpot
So....I have been chatting off and one for the past few weeks with a surgeon. He is in his late 30s and in his last year of residency at a hospital near my home. (He was originally in sales and than had a come to Jesus meeting with himself and decided to pursue medicine). He is originally from Oklahoma so he considers himself a redneck at heart so he drives an old pick up truck and doesn't live the life of luxury (yet...as again, he is a resident).

We have had some good detailed emails and such and in one of the emails I explained that I was full-figured and that, with him being a surgeon, I didn't really fit the bill of the typical doctor's wife. His response was interesting. Basically, he laid into the whole "obesity in America" speech that I sort of expected, due to his profession but than he said something very interesting. He stated..."in the end....what do YOU see when you look in the mirror". So I explained what I saw and I guess my self-confidence worked because he did want to meet me.

So we met for coffee yesterday. It was a nice relaxed conversation. He laughed at all my jokes. He explained things about working in hospitals and medicine and stuff I always wanted to know. The conversation flowed. At one point, it was getting chilly outside so he ran to his truck to get a jacket. He came back to the table and at one point realized he had some things in his jacket from when he was working on a project in the spring. He had duck tape and a wrench in his pocket LOL. So he said "yeah you know you are dating a redneck when he has duck tape in his pocket". I of course went a step further and said "Well I can imagine a few uses on a date with the duck tape but not sure about the wrench". Now yeah that has a sexual innuendo to it but nothing really naughty. At this point the good doctor turns to me and says "are you as horny as you sound right now".........

crickets............

WTF????????????

So I said "no" and started to pull out my car keys.

I guess that his statement was his attempt at a bit of humor and it failed miserably. He was very apologetic...said he meant it lightly and that it just didn't flow the way he wanted but seriously.....how does one know?

Also...I tried to have the talk with John this weekend. Tried to tell him how I feel and he admitted he isn't "good" when it comes to figuring out relationships but he said "all I know is...I like the way you make me feel about myself when I am with you". Sigh. What does one say to that?

Vacation, Cars, Men, Uggghhhhh
So I purchased my new car on August 29th. It's a Dodge Caliber in Orange Pearl and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. Of course, there can never be a car purchase with a crap load amount of drama involved. I almost didn't get it because the monthly payments are a bit higher than what I wanted. After much thought and angst and arguing with John over the best outcome (he wanted me to walk away). I decided to go for it. I work hard. I want nice things. So it's a bit pricier than what I wanted but I can handle it. I wouldn't have signed the bottom line if I wasn't comfortable. John wasn't happy. He told me it was an insane amount of money and started comparing his financial problems with his ex-wife to me. That DID NOT make me happy. I actually thought he was going to break up with me over it. I was prepared for it and although I would have been a bit sad, it wouldn't have killed me. He kept saying that "when he thinks of me and thinks of us long-term, he doesn't want to take on debt that could potentially harm him as well. I was really frustrated by this. I repeatedly told him I wasn't his ex-wife. I wasn't going to marry him and than decide to just up and quit my job. I do not like being compared to anyone's ex. I don't do it to the men in my life, why would someone do it to me. I also said that MY DEBT IS MY DEBT. I have no desire to get married again and really there isn't any reason to. I explained that even if we DID get married, he would have his debt and his checking/savings and I would have mine. I am NEVER giving another person an opportunity to destroy me financially again. It just isn't going to happen. I worked hard and long to get where I am. He seemed to realize he was being ridiculous. He kept saying he was only saying what he was saying because he cares about me. I disagree. I just saw control issues and that worries me.

So I asked if he wanted to take the new car on our vacation or if he wanted to drive his own. At first, he was adamant that we would be taking his car. Until he got to drive mine to a fair last Sunday. Once he had the cushy seats and the nice engine and Satellite Radio, he was a lost soul LOL. So we drove the car to Wisconsin on Tuesday. On the way back, on Labor Day, the car windshield gets hit by a rock and yep..you guessed it...shattered. I was devastated. Not even two weeks and I have to replace a windshield???????? Not a good sign. They are working on it today. Thankfully they replace it at your home. But $100.00 and alot of stress later. It sucks.

So vacation...it got off to a rocky start. I was constantly criticized the first morning because John didn't think I was excited to go. I wasn't showing any emotion. Ok -- it isn't like I was flying to Hawaii ok? I was driving to my family Lakehouse in Wisconsin. It wasn't that I wasn't excited, I was thrilled to be out of Osco, away from the day job and on to a wonderful warm, sunny week of relaxation but because I wasn't all giddy (and anyone who knows me knows I don't normally get giddy), I kept getting attitude. Finally I had had enough. I told John that I felt as though he could never accept me for how I am. That if I wasn't acting excited there was a problem, when I was in a good mood and joking around he wouldn't get me and that was a problem. If I was sad there was a problem. It was getting old and fast. We had an argument and he told me he felt I was too emotional. That we were still learning each other..blah blah blah. My issue is this. It has been over two months and we don't "get" each other. He doesn't get my humor...I sure as hell don't get his - I never know when he is joking. So what's the point? I decided I wasn't going to let him or his issues ruin my vacation so I just sort of said "I am going to think of this like, I am just on vacation with a friend" and it worked lovely. I didn't have any stress or drama, we didn't fight and mainly because I just stopped giving a damn. So now, I am taking my space, not planning on seeing him any time soon and we will see where it goes. I told John I thought that maybe we should see other people and just date. He didn't like that idea at all. I just don't think I am the girl for him but to be honest, I don't know who would be...other than his ex.

My last day at Osco was very sad. I cried. They decorated and got me a cake and some cute going away gifts. I miss everyone already. I talk to the store director every day. He and I will remain friends I think. Although the talking all the time will eventually wain. Right now he has a bajillion questions about the things that I did that he didn't even realize I did. LOL did that make sense. He keeps saying that no one seems to realize how much I did till I was gone. Yeah what else is new LOL. I have to call the new store director and get the ball rolling on the New Lenox store but to be honest...I sort of don't want to. I know I need the extra money but blah...I am not in a huge hurry with that LOL.

Frustrating

Why does it seem like you have one great weekend where there is ZERO drama and everything is a breeze and the following weekend all hell breaks loose? Why is that?

So I have been wanting to buy a new car. I currently own a Chevy Aveo. I call it "my little putt putt" because it is a little bit of a thing. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this car. I got it at a time when my credit, due to the divorce and some surgeries, was in the gutter. I pay a pretty penny in interest, but I didn't have to put any money down and my car payments are reasonable. This is all important for the following reason.

On Friday night, I went to two dealerships. I have been investigating the best car for me and prices and such and decided on about four cars that I really wanted to see. I have been leaning towards the crossovers because they are cute as buttons, reasonably priced, don't kill ya on gas like an SUV but they are bigger than the average car. So I first go to a jeep dealer and I walk in and no one greets me. Now we all know that normally when you go into a dealer, the sales folks are like flies on shit. So I walk in and there is a young couple in a cube, obviously talking financing and another couple on the floor looking at cars. I walk in with my parents (cause I am a Daddy's girl and he is my protector) and I get ignored...completely and totally ignored. Finally someone comes up to me, he says they are "too busy to take care of me", points to the car I wanted to see outside and says "maybe someone can help you later". So yeahhh needless to say, no Jeep for me.

So than I go to the Hyundai dealer. My Dad says to the guy...there is NO down payment so don't even ask. Here is what her current payoff is, here is what the Kelly Blue Book value of her current auto is. This is the payment we want to have. Can you make it work because if not we won't waste your time. Of course, the salesman says he can. Than after inspecting the car, taking it for a test drive and decided that I love it, the salesman runs the numbers. Comes back with some insane credit rating number that isn't even CLOSE to what I have, tells me I have to put $5,000 down just to get a payment per month that is still MORE than what I am paying now. What????????!!!!!!!!???? so needless to say I walk.

Now....my current auto loan is with Capital One. I love them. So I go to the website on Saturday to find out how I would go about getting financing through them again. Long story short, I need to go to the dealer that is closest to me that works with them...so what happens? It is the SAME Hyundai dealer. WTF? At no time on Fridya night did they say they worked with Capital One and this would be easy. Five minutes later I get a call from the Hyundai dealer and I tell them I am not interested in them because of Friday. The sales dude says "give me 15 minutes to find out what is going on". He calls me back with THE SAME SOB STORY and tells me that I NEED TO DO THE MATH BECAUSE THAT IS WHY THIS WORKS OUT.

Well here is what I don't get. My car loan when I got the Aveo was for $15k....I didn't put ANY money down. The price of the new car is $18k...if I put $5k down, it would be a $13k car. So why are my payments MORE with a 13k loan than with the 15k loan? Of course, the sales man tells me it is "all about the math" finally I said "no it is all about a shitty dealership trying to play games" and I hang up. UGGGHHHHHHHH.

So on Sunday morning John and I have our first MAJOR discussion about out relationship. It was heartfelt and sad in a way because we are both just not on the same page in alot of ways but we are on the same page that neither one of us want to get hurt. Many tears and talking later, my wall is still up, but we both have a better understanding of what we need and how to get it.

Five more days and I am on vacation. Five more days. Sigh.

Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: Telephone Ringing

Sometimes I could hurt my friends
I know they mean well. Yes I know that they do. I have told them repeatedly that they do not need to choose sides in the drama that is Christian. Some have...some haven't. That's fine. The thing is, I don't want to know about it. I don't want to hear that they have seen him. I don't want to hear that they have spoken to him. Frankly, I don't care about his mother's fight with cancer (I don't mean that to be harsh..I hope she survives...I just don't want to hear about it - because that means I have to think about HIM). Why can't they understand that? Why can't they understand that I don't want to know who he is dating. I don't want to know that he is going on vacation. I don't want to know what store he is working at. I JUST DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

So the drama with the losers in my neighborhood continues. I had an issue last Sunday morning at 1:00 a.m. and I followed the instructions given to me by the police and nothing happened. It is just as bad as before. I just can't win. The police chief obviously knows there is a problem but I don't think he knows how to fix it. In the meantime, I guess I pray for cooler weather so that people actually have to party in their house.

I have been extremely busy at the law firm. We have a trial coming up in September so it has been busy busy busy and I have been thrilled. I hate sitting doing nothing. Everyone always says you should be happy that you get paid for doing nothing. Now I am happy I get paid but I hate just sitting. I think of all the things I could be doing at home instead of sitting here. Blah. I know I am never happy right?

I quit Osco on Sunday. I gave two weeks notice. Going to take some time off for me for a bit and than start up at the New Lenox store. More hours and closer to home. Sweet.

Time flies

Geez it seems like I haven't written on my journal in forever! I have to get better at this. Unfortunately, my life is pretty boring so not much to write about.

I will start with the house....

I finally had to go to the police station and talk to the cops about my psycho neighbors. It has just gotten to the point that if the weather is nice I can't have my windows open because they are constantly having parties in their garage. I don't understand that AT ALL. I mean seriously? Who does this. They have a damn yard!!!!!!!! Have the parties in your yard. Also why do you have to party on a Tuesday night at midnight? Don't people work? So I went to the police station and spoke with a female cop (very stereotypical) who insisted that I just call 911 YEAH THE EMERGENCY NUMBER every time they are outside. Ummm yeah no. I said "couldn't you just arrange to have more cops driving by at various hours of the night and if they are out there tell them to keep it down?" She said "No you need to call 911 so we have a proper complaint about it." I replied with "well isn't me coming here a proper complaint?" Hellooooo!!!

So another cop came in and he knew THE EXACT HOUSE I WAS TALKING ABOUT. Said they had problems in the past. That I moved into "Fraternity Row" and that my other neighbors don't complain because "they are out there partying with the guy." Yeah that made me feel good.

At that point I was frustrated (I mean they know this guy has been a problem in the past but have done nothing to correct it?) at which point I stated that "if I knew I was moving into Cheap White Trash land, I would NEVER have purchased in this town". At that point the new chief of police came in, said he overheard what I had said and that he agrees with me that the best course of action would be the drive bys. Of course his lemmings than all said they thought that was best too. Alrighty then!

Of course, this past week...nothing! I don't even think the homeowner has been home. Which makes me look a bit like an ass!

Let me see what else.....John and I are doing well.   We have been dating officially for a month now. My family likes him, I think he is crazy about me and me? Well...I am so tired of men and relationships and getting hurt that the wall is still there and isn't going anywhere. John is trying to break down the wall and I appreciate his efforts and he understands it will be a long long time before I let myself feel but sometimes I feel as though that isn't fair to him and maybe I should just tell him move on because I am so damaged. Is if fair for me to make him work so hard because of my past bad choices and bad men in my life? He says he doesn't care but I do. I dunno. I don't know if I will ever let myself feel the way I need to in a relationship. I have never been this detached. Sigh. What to do what to do.

I will say that sometimes he is definitely the voice of reason. Last night I went to dinner with a guy I have known for a few years. We dated a bit but nothing ever came of it. He was DEFINITELY not my type in any capacity and so we just sort of kept our relationship as on line buddies since we both lived a good distance away. Now that I have moved, Jeff has tried to get our friendship moving. Yesterday we had dinner and during dinner he stated that he wanted to try and start dating again. I was floored and gently told him that although I was flattered I wasn't interested. Even if John wasn't in my life, Jeff and I are VERY VERY different and it would never work. So when I got home I called John to let him know I was home. As usual he can detect when I am "not right" so he asked what was going on. I told him and told him my response and that I hoped John wasn't angry with me as I had no clue Jeff was feeling that way. John's response:

"Look.....I trust you and don't blame any of this on you, hey I admire the guy for trying. He has good taste. The thing is, at my age, I don't want to play the game of being jealous. Jealousy is a really shitty emotion and if you do feel jealous in a relationship, than there is a problem in the relationship. If you trust your partner 100% you aren't going to feel jealousy. You are going to be unbelievably secure and trust your parter like no other. Jealousy doesn't show you care...jealousy shows there is no trust".

I liked that outlook and he is right. I know John is very close with his ex-wife yet it doesn't phase me at all. So that is a good sign since normally I am jealous. Weird.

I have been trying to find a new part-time gig. I talked to a store director at the Osco near my new house but alas they are a non-union store and I can't transfer from a union to a non-union store. I would have to quit and start over and lose all my seniority and stuff and that is not where I want to be.  So I just found out today that other than my vacation time, I wouldn't lose my pay or my title! Whoo hoooo! So that is a very good sign indeed. I am going to pop in on Saturday to talk to this guy again and formally interview.   I will feel bad about leaving the BG store. They have been good to me there but I can't do this travel anymore. It's just too expensive and I don't want to put up with some of the other bullshit (that I have no desire to get into here).

Relaxing weekend

So....for what might be the first time in two years I actually had a truly "do nothing - just chill - sit back and relax weekend" and all I can say is THANK GOD!

Last Friday during my lemonchello drunken state, I had invited a guy I have gone out on a few dates with to come over and partake in some beverages. My family LOVED him and invited him (without telling me) to the lake house for the weekend. O.k. so they didn't ask me but that's cool. John is a nice guy and although I don't know if we will be a long haul kinda of thing whatev....I refused to let anything ruin my weekend and he is the kind of guy that doesn't need to be clingy so ok he will go. I can deal.

WE HAD A BLAST. The weather could NOT have been more perfect up in Rome. The water was amazing and if I wasn't swimming I was on the wave runner or on a boat or sitting in an inner tube with a beverage in my hand enjoying the sun and sky. It was just fabulous and it did bring John and I closer. He is a nice guy and he understands that I am not in the place for anything more than dating although he says he feels more than that for me. Again, I am just not there emotionally or mentally or anything else and he accepts it.

Oh the biggest chuckle of the weekend was Sunday night when I got home and I got an email from Z. Try not to fall off your chairs everyone but

HOWIE IS ENGAGED.

Yep. He proposed to Becky two weeks ago at a big blow out party he threw for her birthday.

Once I got myself up off the floor from laughing so hard this was our conversation:

Howie: Did you hear, Becky and I are engaged.

Me: That's GREAT Howard. Really just GREAT!!!!! (Yes the Tony the Tiger inflection should be used at this point)

Howie: I proposed to her at her birthday party I threw for her 100 of our closest friends.

Me: That's GREAT Howard. Really just GREAT!!!!! (Notice a pattern?)

Howie: This weekend we went to Missouri to meet her family. they love me.

Me: That's GREAT Howard. Really just GREAT!!!!!

Howie: So you need to come over and celebrate with us.

Me: Howie...I am thrilled for you. Good luck on this whole marriage thing. Rock out. But when will you realize that I am NEVER GOING TO SEE YOU AGAIN? Seriously. I want no part in your life. If you are engaged to her why do you even want to talk to me? Seriously? Move on for the love of God.

Howie: You are such a child.

Me: Yep. Ok buh bye.

Priceless. Absolutely priceless.